for the past week weeks
every sight, smell,touch, feeling, colour has been saturated.
all contrasts enlarged
from elation to guilt to a brief calm matured sensible denial back to confusion
with every image seemingly detaching from the already patched shuffled distorted base of worries and illusions and just flying over and over and over my mind repeatedly. only taking a rest back into the patchwork when another image chooses to be the next repetitively repulsive highlight in my mind.
the different images of the pasts, the different levels and types of burning sensation i felt then is relived concurrently, each heightened by the last.
with every relieved brief pause i take is soon wiped clean by another action, person, word which takes me back again.
its been 1/5 of a century and now all my deeds and past indifference are rushing to corner me.
regret is something i want now.but all i feel is the wretched feeling you have when you've just been thrown off the cliff. when you stare below seeing the near consequences and yet not being able to cling on to any hope any regret.and all you can do is think of past memories.
2009's cindy suddenly feels older than what she always assumed she was
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