the never ending life battle.
to make you proud of me

regardless of lost memories of me

she may question my direction.but since when was the way clear.the only thing i can do now.is to run as fast as i can in my chosen direction and hope for the best.
wavering with unending doubts makes anger boil within me.the fear brings about anger.

my life is burning as we speak
its like i'm in a mine.with limited oxygen left.
and the routes infront of me have no clear sign to happiness

i don't want to stay at the crossroads thinking, fretting pondering any longer.
i already wasted 4 years doing that. even if i ponder more.i know the future will still be uncertain.you never know until you try is what i've learnt from life.i never knew i could do art until i tried.i never knew i hated accounting until i tried.i never knew loving hurts so madly until i loved her.i never knew i loved my brother so much until i missed him when he went abroad.

i want to decide on something fast and run with all my might.its not the brightest way to do things and i may end up with nothing.but for now.it is the only option i have.

you forcing your wishes on me just makes me so tired,so angry and so reminded of the past when i blindly listened to yours and dad's wishes. and when dad left his memory to the past i was all alone to fight the battles.you have no idea how lonely i felt with the stares on my back in the banks.how i wished i had someone to talk to at home about it.how much i wanted advice.

i really would love to walk the same path he did. i love the banking industry.with office politics which brings about civilised boardroom fights.with sales in credit cards and loans and the risks involved.
but i really really really can't do it well as much i like it.why can't you understand FOR ONCE.

let me run.before i get suffocated with your desires and dreams.
let me run before the guilt consumes me
let me run before my fear for the future compresses me until i can barely take a step without clenching my fist.
let me run towards my chosen route to happiness.

before the oxygen runs out.