reliance

after doing the "task"

the "task" that you would do throughout my life
the "task" that you were "supposed" to do for us forever and ever.

i realise how much we relied on you.

did you like us relying on you silently?
did we purposely made it so that we could fulfil our own wants of just relying on someone who was only ard for those moments?

i think in my life
i keep trying to be independent.
or so i think.
i keep saying i want to be self reliant and be a single entity
and friends around me sometimes chant the same mantra.
but is it delusional?

everyday we rely on the people around us to function.
even for the smallest thing.

maybe. sometimes a few of the stuff i rely on others are just to
to make sure he/she has a reason to be around me.
to feel their presence around me.

but once they leave.
the "tasks" they use to do amplify their disappearance
to the point where i want to commit myself and make the delusion, reality.
to delete all attachments to people
to feel nothing when they leave.

a glass full of milk is half empty after you spill the milk
but what if there was no milk in the 1st place
leaving the glass to be just a glass
maybe with artificial colours to serve as a simple decoration.
maybe by hardening and numbing(or so a certain clown used to say)
life could sail by but with the trade off of having lesser feelings
....................................

cindy's brain contains the following information which cannot be edited
when you care for someone.
but if circumstances makes you both lose contact.
the moment he/she is in trouble.
you try your best to help
if you can't help
you offer support in your best ability.
you try
and make sure they are cared for and check on them

you do not leave them in the woods and then only when you are done cooking/sleeping/eating/shitting/golfing/dancing/reading/slacking/stoning/painting/packing/smoking/chionging/coughing/farting
u think, hey why not i contact them?

................................
cindy's brain also contains the following information which cannot be edited

friends who like friends..
are humans.

friends who hurt knowingly just to please their desires and disturb the people around them to gather information on the side and continue to harass through smses and emails and friendster + continue to probe/plead/instigate through emotional blackmail

are

people who should back off when declined

if they continue

then
they are bastards who deserve to get their guts ripped out through their nose.
they should be burnt at their most sensitive body parts
and then spitted upon.

people who cause myself and friends discomfort
should flee from my small circle of life
their fatal infection of "let's be pathetic idiots and ruin my life starting by creating delusional love lives and then force them on others"
should be burnt after they get tortured 1st for being such a pest to society.

.........................

oh.
cindy hates "choco & banana ice cream"