explode

i'm not being "emo", upset, angry
just stuff that keep running around in my mind n really need to vomit out

earlier in the week.a grp of friends n i were talking about how time does not really mean quality in relationships and i do agree with them.

but what if.i had spent some of my happiest moments with that person.
and with the luxury of my youth i had spent years collecting happy memories.
with each year i shared more experiences with that person
time does not mean quality in relationships.
but time did give me opportunity to discover your faults and beauty
time gave me the chance to take long walks with you.
time gave me the chance to talk long meaningful conversations with you.

but maybe time is our downfall.
..............................................

common test stress is...........here.
n i kind of like it in a way.
it fills my mind with panic.
and forces me to work hard.
it gives me illusions that i am living in the moment.
rushing, panicking, gathering and stuffing in copious amounts of information into my brain.

..................................

looking/hearing/feeling a person slowly forget you or sensing that a person u care about no longer recognising your presence really hurts.

i now understand fully why the family members of the victims of Alzheimer's disease are sometimes more bewildered than the patients themselves.

the feeling of having someone you care and love forget you is the worse.

it matches the pain of having someone important in your life intentionally blocking you out from their lives.

sometimes i really want to scream to them."can't you remember me!" i don't need you to to care for me, i just want you to remember me.

i now understand why Mio tried so hard to make the people around her hate her.

nice people are never remembered for long.
when they die/drift away.they r only remembered as ......."the person who was nice"-the end.

but if u are mean.people remember your actions/thoughts and behaviour.
they remember how you backstabbed them in which year/class/and the method.
they remember how you broke their hearts
they remember how you refused to apologised when you did something wrong.

i wish i could turn back time and hurt those who have seemingly forgot about me.

then maybe a part of them would hurt so much that inside them, the pain i inflicted of them would continue to throb.
............................................

this is not an emo post.
do not post comments about it being emo.and other crappy lameass peabrained comments.


today i finally managed to dust off the "wonderers of the school".
just tell them"my lifestyle does not correspond to your school of thought"

god bless truthful excuses.